Impossible. No other word can describe what I went through today so clearly. Impossible. I sit now in an airplane, trying to figure out how what I went through today happened, and I still can't find a way to explain it. In one word…Impossible. In two words… fuckin' impossible. In three? U got the idea. No need for a third one.
Yep. It's pretty impossible to understand what happened. I probably broke a world record or something. For sure this day is going to be written down in my "Divrai Hayamim", and to think it's not even 1815…
Ok, I think I'll start from the top. I hated Calafate. If that didn't go through in the last post, here I write it loud and clear – I hated the guts of Calafate, and I had all the right reasons.
1. The way here – The bus I took from Punto Natales, Chile was horrible… It took 2 hours more, my back aches like hell ever since, I didn't sleep much, there was nothing to look at during the drive, there were kids on the bus that kept making noises… Pretty much most things that are written in the book of "The Ultimate Horrible Bus Drive" were there.
Front
2. No Reception damnit! - During the early minutes of the above drive I spoke with Mama and Papa, and praised the fact that there's reception in my mobile from back home even in Natales, a dead-end hole in Chile with 2,000 habitats, and even after a 30 minutes drive outside that city. Well… Calafate, a pretty known tourist city in Argentina, was the first place on this trip where I had no reception in the Israeli Mobile, and just in the 2 days it was more crucial to have than in other days. Fuck!
3. Hostel – I didn't like this one from the first minute. Don't know why..but I had a bad feeling about it. That was before I've found out they have no lockers (which is pretty crucial for some1 who travels with a laptop, an iPod and more…), the internet costs 4 pesos per one hour (and each of the computers is annoying in a different way), the atmosphere in the hostel itself is boring as much as the best show ever of "Sof Tzitut" and my roommates were…well…let's just leave it with "and my roommates were...".
Yet another look from above about what´s going on inside there..
4. Food - An issue already discussed. Asado made in Tira land. Tfu!
5. Expensive - No need to expand on that.
Pffffffffffff....
6. Sickness - It all became even more extreme. My back, my cold, my migrane... Calafate was the Bazel of my germs and sickness.
7. They stole my food! - fuckin´ bastards... I made some lunch bags for my trips to the glaciers, some lakhmaniyot with a deadly combo of Dolce de Leche covered with Halva, next to the very very delicious apples they got down here, and... some mothafucker bastard stole it from the hostel fridge. I even bothered to write my name down on the bag... well..ok, not my name. I wrote the food belongs to Stalin J. thinking..."who would dare to steal Stalin´s food?", but turns out there was someone brave enough....oh well...they stole my food!
Enough for the crybaby attitude (and this part is written already one day after the event). I hated Calafate for good reasons, but it all went away when I reached the Moreno Glacier. If words could not describe how big were the glaciers in the first day...well..they fail to help on the Moreno glacier as well, this time in the beauty department. Can´t explain how amazingly beautiful this beast is...HUGE and just...well...amazingly beautiful. Or beautifuly amazing. Or both.
Anyways... The glacier itself is huge...and the best thing is that every 2-3 minutes u hear a noise, that sounds kinda like a thunder, but is there cause there are pieces falling off the glacier! sometimes it´s somewhere in the back and u can´t really see it. sometimes it´s just in front of your face...usually people just sit with their finger on the camera, waiting for a falling piece.
Caught one!
Now I might be leaving out some crucial info. My flight to Bariloche was planned to leave the ground at 1640, which meant I couldn´t join the tour to the Moreno Glacier and had to rent a car, go there early and come back to Calafate by 1500 (25 min drive to airport, and gotta b there one hour b4 the flight). The distance from Calafate to the glacier is 80 km, made of 50 km of road, and 30 km inside the park on... something like the road from the post about the drive around Salta. a total of 90 minutes or so. a little more to be exact.
So I arrived to the National Park at around 0945, paid the 30 pesos, got a map and an annoying guy that spoke to me in Spanish, trying to explain something, finishing with "Comprendre?". My dumb face was enough. He tried again... and again...then moved to a broken english, and I realized he was trying to tell me that I need to leave the park by 1630, or so I thought. Made sense, as all National Parks are closed somewhen around those hours. I replied with "ahhhhh, Si, Si, Si" added "Betakh Akhi" and drove on.
Shnaim Sinim Im Kinir Gidil
And so I drove to the glacier... only to find out they closed the way to the parking spot, which is right in front of the glacier, and I had to climb up on a hill for 15 minutes to get to my desired Moreno place. So be it. It was worth every aching muscle.
These are the top parts of all the pieces behind
So...after staring at Glacier Moreno for 3 hours it was time to go. wanted to be on the safe side so started my journey back at 1230. All went well, until I reached what some Palestinians consider a 2nd home - Makhsom. Since no Palestinians were around, I was kinda curious for the presence of this Makhsom, and so came this local Magavnik (makhson after all) to try to explain to me the situation.
Makhson made in Argentina land, and the so called Magavnik
He - Doesn´t speak a word of English.
Me - Well...it seems that I can understand some Spanish when spoken slowly and it´s a fuckin´emergency.
The bottom line? They closed the road until 1630 as they needed to do some explosions on the road for whatever reason (same reason why i had to climb for 15 min on a hill several hours b4 that...). hmmmm...maybe that was the thing Mr. Comprendre tried to tell me? turns out I do understand Spanish perfecrt, only in a delay of a few hours. Mr. Comprendre was talking about a closed road. As if I didn´t have enough reasons to hate this place...
And he´s not the one late for a flight...
So...I´m about 60 km from Calafate, the flight is at 1640, the road is open only around 1630, and the next flight to Bariloche is...in ONE WEEK. Nope. Not a good situation. My entire knowledge in Spanish and my very little Italiano was called for rescue, but no matter what I tired... there was no clear view of me making the flight. The Magavnik tried to contact his Patron (boss) on the kesher, only to hear a final "NO". Trying to put some sense in the Magavnik didn´t really help, and for a change I´ll make a long story short.
Finally at 1600 they opened the road. I already gave up on the Bariloche flight, and my worst fear was that Í´ll have to stay in this hated place longer than planned, as I had no idea when is the next flight ANYWHERE and if there are any places on it.
Ohhhhhhhh...
Driving 140 sure made the road back shorter. at least the time it took to cross it. I landed at Calafate at 1650, that might sound familiar to some of you, as that was 10 minutes after my 30 min drive from there flight, when I still need to return my rented car and pick up my bags from the hostel.
I went str8 to the travel agency to hear what are my options, and this cute cute cute girl told me the flight is delayed and will take off only at 1730. "but... I´m never gonna make it..." I said with a disappointing voice.
"well...if you leave right now you might just make it" was all she said back. after asking for five times if she´s sure, and gave her the most doubtfullook a man has ever given a woman (in a travel agency), I decided to go for it. She decided to cancel my ticket so in case I won´t make it, the fine won´t be so bad, and said there are enough seats on the flight, and they can make me a new tickets at the check in.
Right side
I gave her another look, this time a "if this works out I would marry u and take u out of this dump hole, only...I doubt that I´ll have the time for that", and took off. Car is back at rental shop. Taxi stopped. Bags picked up. Rushing Taxi driver to go faster than the 80 he was driving, and....at 1730 I´m at the airport.
Plane? still on the lane. small airport, one plane on the lane means it´s probably mine. hopefully. IT IS! but....how do I check in, pass security and all that in 30 seconds? well...it took more than 30 seconds but turned out to be possible. The woman at the check in had issues to issue me a new ticket, already told me it´s too late... but my best cute-dog-face worked. After some "puta mara" by the lady, she got me the ticket, and once saw my passport said in fluent HEBREW that I need to go and pay the flight taxes now. ah fuck....
Oink Oink
paid. passed security. ran up the stairs and....made it! somehow! impossible!
what do u know..even got a seat next to the window, lots of space for my feet and no neighbour in the seat next to me. Bariloche here I come!!!!!
Ahhhhhh....
And that was it. I´m usually late for flights. In 2 of my last 4, not including this one, I was the last person to check in. Shit happens. but...to arrive to the airport 40 minutes after the flight, that was for whatever reason delayed, and still be there at the same time it suppose to take off, check in so fast and....make it...this gotta b a new world record.
Awwwwwwww...
Ah yeh. Went to Alberto´s last night. The most famous steak house down in Bariloche. This is probably the best steak in the world.
Now this one would be perfect for a Rorsakh test
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