seems like i'm starting to lose it...
i can't stand being here anymore...
just when i made peace around me with everyone i know in this world... when it feels complete...
at that moment i start to feel useless...
that's the moment when everything's falling apart...
i start to feel sick, and i find out i won't be able to enjoy this peace for long- 'cause soon it will all be over...
that's the time everyone comes to me with demands, i'm trying to help them fix whatever needs to be fixed- and again, all i get is nothing...
i'm lost...
i think too lost...
and i'm trying to stay sane, although everyone around me are insane, i'm trying to keep sane for them...
and i'm losing that too...
i've got no one to go to, 'cause i pushed them all for the sake of all my friend so i could be there for my friends...
and i keep denying that i want him 'cause i don't want someone i care about so much to worry about me so much when i'll get even more sick than that...
and i don't wanna admit i want him...
i keep pushing all the guys that are fighting over me 'cause i've got no time for them in my life...
i need that time for my friends....
i just wish he knew how confused i am... i wish he knew how much i care and need him even closer...
i'm not sure what to do right now..
and lucky me i got injured in my head and back few days ago- but today i decided i wanna train again...
now i lost my shoulder too, and almost fainted during training because of a stupid mistake...
my mom told me the other day sometimes she worries that i'm gambling on my life too much- like i'm trying to live too hard too fast and never stops and think about me... keep pushing myself to fulfill everything in life and to worry for everyone elses lives before mine...
i guess she's right...
but i wanna do everything, feel everything...
but most of all i want him next to me..
if only he knew.... but i know he'll never take me back... he's too good for me now
once he said i was so out of his league... now i guess he thinks i'm out of his...
בבלוג זה
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