I want to be immune to what you`re saying cause you`re hurting me.
I just want to sit here & hate you.
I need to find a way to deal with my pain & anger.
I wish I could make you disappear.
You wanna know what my problem is?
My lips say I hate you.
But my heart whispers I still love you somehow...
There's no such thing as bad attention
"When you needed me there…"
I ran around the whole place, not minding bumping into people, not minding into slamming at walls when I tried to turn a corner. It was the first time I hated my long black hair, if only it wasn't getting into my eyes when I sped up, maybe I would've managed to quicken my pace. Nothing helped, my thoughts were already convincing me it was too late, my mind sending me notes of how I would never make it, my heart beating like crazy, threatening at my soul that I was bound to fail. The building was so damn tall, the stairs I ran through were too many in number, and it was hard to actually run on them. I was going to fall if I'd use more power in my legs, but I wasn't going to quite. Not now, not ever, not unless I see his dead body placed in front of me. And somewhere inside of me, I knew, not even then would I give up.
Soon, I was running in the last floor, most likely going to search the whole floor to find him. I'd do anything for him, I knew that now. However, on that single moment I closed my eyes in thinking, trying to stop a tear from coming up because of the wind of the running, I crashed into something. I immediately figured it was a someone, and not a something, because I recognized the feeling of being pressed into a man's chest. I cursed out loud, knowing this would only slow me down on my way to him, but when I opened my eyes to meet the black cloth, I felt arms around me. I gasped, and raised my head up, to look at the person, not thinking about anything in the world when I saw his face.
The man I so desperately wanted to see, was even less then an inch next to me, his arms wrapped on my lower back, his eyes shining and his lips forming a curve I would soon kiss. I didn't knew how much the kiss would last, I knew he was leaving soon, I knew he would break the kiss way too soon, but I was trying my best not to think about it. Only a little bit more, only a little bit more, I wished, and on that cue, his phone started ringing. My wish quickly changed to him not having to go, as he stopped the kiss, taking out his phone and stopping the HIM song that was played only to answer with a calm voice. It was as if nothing mattered to him, as if I was just another girlfriend for him. He didn't notice I was panting when I bumped into him, he didn't notice my surprised look, he probably though I simply hugged him.
Looking at me when he was done he didn't see my sad face, he simply raised my chin with his hand, planted a kiss on my forehead like he would to a dead body, and walked away, toward the stairs. I didn't cry, I didn't even look down. I simply stood there silently, knowing nothing of the fact he was going to die tomorrow. Knowing nothing of the fact that kiss was the last one. Knowing nothing of the fact he decided to make me hate him like this, only so that I will feel less bad about his death. Knowing nothing of this, I walked in a painfully slow pace home, hating the man I loved.
Crossfade - Breathing Slowly
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