My beautiful brother is 25 today. This sentence evokes three thoughts/feelings for me. First, "my brother". I have 3 brothers and 2 sisters. But this brother is the only one whose gene pool I share completely. The others, though no less valuable in any way, are either my father's children or my mother's child, not both. We always moved around a lot, so when we were little, we played (and fought) mostly with each other (though of course, he always made new friends immediately, wherever we were). The second trigger, "beautiful". There is something about good looking people, it often seems like things come too easy for them. Are they confident because they know they're good looking, or does the self confidence make them better looking in our eyes? And when people indulge them more easily than they normally would, is it really because they're just better looking than others, or does their charisma and charm stem from something else? I've never been jealous of my brother's looks, but there have been many times when I envied his ability to capture the room's attention. Even then though, it was always an envy mixed with awe and delight. I don't think anything can make me laugh as much as his stories. The third trigger is "25". My baby brother is twenty five today. More than anything, I think it makes me realize my own age. Not that I have a problem with it, I'm not the kind to tell people I'm 29 for five years. But you have these moments of clarity sometimes, when you see yourself from outside your own head for a change. I don't feel much different from as far back as I can remember, in my head I have no age. But then you think about that number, and it's almost hard to grasp. Twenty five. It sounds big, doesn't it? And if he's 25, ohmygodhowolddidyousayIwasagain?? Blimey.
We were close as children, together with my mom it was always 'us' in front of the world. The three of us did practically everything together. But then we started growing up. I finished elementary school, and after that we didn't really bump into each other outside home for six years - when I became a senior, and he started as a sophomore in my high school. The joke had always been that as soon as he arrived, I stopped being my own entity, but from there on I was known as my little brother's sister. My friends had crushes on him. He and I were not friends. We were friendly (mostly), yes, but never had the same circles, never mixed. Then I went to the army, and when we moved up north he stayed in Tel Aviv to finish 12th grade, and then he joined the army. So again we didn't bump into each other much. But then in recent years, maybe we grew up, maybe something happened, maybe just Life happened, but we've come closer again. And this time not in a we're brother and sister so we have to like each other sort of way, but I believe we actually like each other. We have fun together. We care about each other's life. We talk about real stuff, and don't just do small talk. Took a while, but I have my brother now, and I love him more than ever.
I dedicate these two songs to him, whose beautiful, confident and charismatic exterior hides a sensitive, slightly naive, and essentially such a good boy:
From Beautiful boy, by John Lennon, From Father and son, by Cat Stevens,
....I can hardly wait, How can I try to explain, 'cos when I do he turns away again
To see you to come of age, It's always been the same, same old story
But I guess we'll both, From the moment I could talk, I was ordered to listen
Just have to be patient, Now there's a way and I know that I have to go away
Yes it's a long way to go, I know, I have to go
But in the meantime,
Before you cross the street, All the times that I've cried keeping all the things I knew inside Take my hand, It's hard, but it's harder to ignore it
Life is just what happens to you, If they were right I'd agree, but it's them they know, not me While your busy making other plans, Now there's a way and I know that I have to go away
Beautiful,
Beautiful, beautiful,
Beautiful Boy....
So to my handsome, funny, smart and sensitive brother - I wish you nothing but good, I hope everything you want for yourself comes true, and I hope you keep living the fabulous life you deserve. I love you.
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