Pure, raw, explosive pleasure! Better than drugs, better than smack! Better than a dope-coke-crack-fix-shit-shoot-sniff-ganja-marijuana-blotter-acid-ecstasy! Better than sex, head, 69, orgies, masturbation, tantrism, Kama Sutra or Thai doggy-style! Better than banana milkshakes! Better than George Lucas's trilogy, the muppets and 2001! Better than Emma Peel, Marilyn, Lara Croft and Cindy Crawford's beauty mark! Better than the B-side to Abbey Road, Jimmy Hendrix and the first man on the moon! Space Mountain, Santa Claus, Bill Gates' fortune, the Dalai Lama, Lazarus raised from the dead! Schwarzenegger's testosterone shots, Pam Anderson's lips! Woodstock, raves... Better than Sade, Rimbaud, Morrison and Castaneda! Better than freedom, better than life!
Hey diddle diddle,
The cat and the fiddle,
The cow jumped over the moon!
The little dog laughed
To see such a sport,
And the dish ran away
With the spoon!
He ran from conviction
And fed his addiction
As the dish heated the spoon.
The spoon bagged to go
But the dish shouted "NO!
The heroin will be ready soon."
-Cyanide and Happiness
זה בסדר אם לא קראתם הכל, בת'כלס, למי יש סבלנות חוץ ממני?
(מקור השפה של המונולוג הראשון הוא אינו אנגלית, אלא צרפתית.)
נו, הייתי חייבת!