חרונולוגיה חסרת חשיבות

Notes on the regulation of emptyness

To D.W, our Guide in life as in South Scandinavia, whose inspiration is like a beacon to the tired sailor. Some think that Malmo is boring. Other think that this city in south Sweden is boring. Then again most people think that Malmo is boring. Malmo’s biggest problem is that it is, well, boring. Of course some claim it is not boredom, but emptyness that makes this city boring. Other think that it is overregulated, like everything in Sweden, but most agree that it is boring. Some evidence to the boredom in Malmo can be found in its various Pubs. One of the home boys' favorite is in a hotel. Yea, a hotel bar. It’s very provincial, no doubt. It is especially so about the local Elton John –The Piano Man. He sings to entertain the people. He will sing everything in an upbeat tempo. Thus he sang one of Supertramp song: “then they sent me away teach me how to be critical (tam tadam tam tam), logical (tam tadam tadam) intelectual, cinycal (tam tadam tam tam)” entertaining in a very boring way, no doubt. Even the casino in Malmo is boring. It is especially boring if one looses money. I, however, won about 100 crowns, Swedish Crowns, which worth about 10 dollars. Though, yea it is more exciting to loose 10 dollars in Vegas than to win them in Malmo. That’s how boring Malmo is. But there are those people who don’t find Malmo boring. They are wrong of course, but we can understand why they are wrong, these people are usually wrong. We call them the comon people whose “mother gonna love them as much as she can, she can. And she can.” Those common people go to their pubs, which “we never go to” to quote one of my friends, and entertain themsevles and they do not get bored in the pubs. They call it “Mallow Yellow”. Really that was the name of the pub. They drink too much. One such Common person approached us. After thirty seconds he decided we are fagots, well I don’t know if this is the right translation from Swedish, maybe Fiega’les for those of you who know Yidish captures it better. Then he asked me where I was from. Israel. “that sucks!” (as if 1 doesn’t know that.) The slury speaking Swede continued talking to me. Another drunk apprached us. “I have more Style then him.” He did. He ensured us that the slury speaking Swede is not his friend, though he bought him a couple of beers. He, as all drunk people who sat next to us, made a pass at the georgious women sitting next to him. And a note, yea, I might be biased, but in my opinion, the Swedish women are very good looking, so the steretype about beautiful Swedish women is quite right. Those particular women made us the atraction we were. There was an empty table between us and them. So the common people came, sat next to us, talked to us, and waited for the opportunity to talk to the women. This stylish drunk even succeeded and the women answered and a dialogue progressed. But we had to continue to the next pub, so he probably had good time with the common women (“I wanna sleep with a common people.”). He was stylish and successful person. After all, when he was asked: “where are you from?” he said: “I am from Sweden!” An answer some of us found rather obvious.z

But there is nothing obvious in Denmark. Hell, those Danes are strange, very strange. They are not boring, as the Swedes in Malmo. No, they even have a shop that is organized by colors. We went through the shop completely disoriented since everywhere in the shop had the same things. I saw plates, candles, pens. Then I continued and I saw more plates, candles, pens, I moved on and saw more of those things. But every section has its own color: Red plates, candles, pens; green plates, candles, pens; yellow plates, candles, soaps and pens. Very strange. They also have strange bicycles, the Danes. They have babies in them. But the babies are in the fronts. They have huge cages for the babies. We saw one Dane going to her bicicles, after having her coffee, and pull the baby out of the cage. Strange, those Danes. The Metro is very strange as well. We stood there looking at the tunnel we just left, ready to take off for outer space. Very uturistic, very strange. Almost as strange as Christianahaven. We walked through Christianhaven. Strange Danes who believe in freedom live there. No, they are not French. They believe in the freedom to smoke Hash or Mary Jane. (almost like in Basel.) We walked there seeing people selling, buying and, even, God Forbid, smoking Hash. Those Strange Free Danes had a petition to improve the attitude which their neighberhood gets from the rest of the strange but not as Free Danes. But since it was in the Danish language, we couldn’t sign it. We had to find other ways to support these strange free Danes. The cheapest hash costs 20 strange Danes Cronos for one ready to smoke cigarete. After this neighnerhood, we went with the flow, eating, drinking and observing the free Danes. We advanced the Description about how people, even strange Danes, walk the streets. Unlike the people in Malmo, who you can see walking in the streets only in day time, since in night time they are home watching tv, afraid for their lives, high crime rates in Malmo, we saw the Police arresting 3 persons in one nights, all of them migrate looking, leaving the streets empty, and their city very very boring.

An after thought: It is obvious that the people in charge of IKEA commericals in the USA come from Malmo. After all the campaign slogan is “unboring.”

 p.s to those of you who can’t read between the lines, yea I had great time in Malmo. Boring as I am.

a different view from up north

For example, in Sweden you can NOT buy a cup of beer in McDonalds. You can Not buy a cup of beer anywhere basically, other than in pubs, maybe restorunts. You can not buy a beer in a grocery store nor in a local super market. Nowhere can you buy a beer, only in the government owned and run by stores. Those are stores that there is a counter that separates you from the drinks. You can see all the booze and bottles in the cabinets behind strong and locked glass. You can not touch the liqueur before you buy it. You need to ask the sellperson for the bottle you want in order to get it. My sources claim that only recently those stores have opened on Saturday, and before that you couldn’t have bought alcohol on the weekends. It is a part of the Swedish efforts to do whatever in their power to forget the awful history, when their country was a bunch of drunk people drinking all the time. That’s why they cannot buy alcohol, or more than 2.9% alcoholic beverages in super markets. The Swedes mark the percentage of alcohol on each can of drink one buys. It resembles only the frantic fascination Americans have with percentage in Baseball and Sociology. Other European traditions, such as drinking and knowing how to deal with alcohol, are somewhat deformed in Sweden as well. Take for example the royal family and court. Think about the royal guard. You have the picture of the British royal guard. A guard that you can tornment and will not move. You can spill hot tea (either Black or Green, Jasmine or other), which is of course a crime in the tea loving country, on him and he will not blink. You can curse the queen, God Forbid, and he will not even move his eye lid. In Sweden they have somewhat of a different take on it. Very different take on it, as I saw in my own eyes. No, I am not talking about moving or doing stuff like that, this is obvious that the Swedish royal guards do. But to see a royal guard on a date with his girlfriend right next to the royal court, doing stuff the paper cannot accept, well at least this paper cannot, it is something I found sacrilege. If you take into the equation that no king or queen in Sweden were crowned ever since the 119 it might make more sense. Especially if you can see a picture (I bought one) of the royal family sits in its business suites looking like a day time American soap opera family. It also might explain the treatment the nobility gets in Sweden. Recently, the parlliament passed a law that takes away the last two previliges the nobles had. They had the right to choose their death in a death sentence for treason at war time. Sweden of course, as any modern country, has no death penalty for ages. Nor did it participate in any war in the last two hundred years. The second privilege that the parlliament took is the right to have your body returned to Sweden if the noble died outside of Sweden in a war. The Parliament took these last privileges and instead allowed the nobles to group and to get some discounts when they buy tea or coffee. Maybe they can even have discounts when they buy some Danish pastry. Those people built Sweden and now they can have discounts on their biscuits. Though they were not that good builders. The Vasa is the evidence for that. It is THE most heroic episode in Swedish history. In 1633 they built the biggest, strongest, and best ship to ever sail the earth. It drowned in Stockholm bay, after traveling the amazing distance of 20 feet, yards, or meters. How can it be a heroic story than? Well in a country in which a royal guard can play the hoochy - poochy with his girlfriend, the nobles get spit as their thank you, the king is a bit slow, and you cannot buy liquer in grocery stores, such a story can be a heroic one. I am sure you can figure it out. No wonder so many Swedes kill themselves. No easily accessible booze, second-rate royalty, a mocking treatment of their history, good enough reasons for me. Luckily, they have great looking capital and even better looking women. Of course in my country, we have no royalty, second-rate booze and mocking treatment of our capital. It is the great looking history that will get you and to you here that can kill. And no, even better looking women can’t change that.

An after thought If the wethear had been something people can stand, Sweden would have been a great country to live in.