The problem is that our heroes always have secrets; secrets that
make us admire them. Everyone wants to be a Dexter of sort, or someone with
problems of which you cannot speak, and yet, you want everyone to know about
it.
Batman couldn't be as cool without the comics/television. He doesn't
have an urge to let people know who he is, because IRL- everyone knows it, and
loves him for it.
But when we do glorious deeds, there is no one to know of it, not
unless we let them. Nobody is watching us, and even if anyone did, we wouldn't
know. And we all wish them to know without us telling. We always want people to
find out. This is why diaries are written. What's the point in having beautiful
thoughts if no one's ever going to know about them?
And we can't have people knowing without us telling, so we tell,
and glorify our misery, our problems and only seem foolish by doing so. There
is no glory in a crippled mind, in a mental weakness, and for some reason we
all fail to understand it.
Nobody cares for the weak souls, it is known. Not for long. People
get noticed for their significance. And it's easier to cry about our shitty
lives, our mental problems and endless mind-battles, rather than actually doing
significant things.
But why do we keep crying like this? Why is it so common? Whence this
urge to brag about mental scars? No one believes you when you say you want to
kill someone until you do, no believes you when you say you want to die, until
you do.
So many battles in our minds could be spared if only we were less
indolent.
And I am long not 12 years old, and I am free, and I know it all,
I know what's needed to be done, I know what's good for me, I have everything I
need in order to be significant, to outshine and all the reasons to be happy, and
yet I…
...am weak and indolent and what I get is what I deserve until I,
and I alone choose to change it.
What the fuck is so hard?!
Feels like I want to kick myself in the head to get me on my feet
and stay there.
Get the fuck up!
I know things never get easier, and I am so good at preaching and
advising, never finding the strength in me to fucking use my own advice.
Wake up, Infy Snow, or you will never be significant.
You are pathetic.
You have the mental strength to get anywhere you want, but thinking
about it will get you nowhere.
There is no vacation from life. Don't seek the impossible, reach
high, get it, and maybe then, maybe tomorrow (if you have gotten high enough) –
the impossible, will become of reach.
Talking and thinking and killing yourself inside won't take you
up; and until you truly realize it, you will stay down. It's all in your hands.
You are a grown up, start acting like one.
You seem to perfer you comfort zone even though it's driving you mad.
Remember your motto, it's carved on your skin, you say it every
day, and yet you forgot to live by it.
If you don't learn, you don't get to live much, you don't live, and
you will have learnt nothing.
Don't love yourself for what you are not, become it. You don't merit it. You have all the power you need. Stay away from your comfort zone, let the shaking ground take you high, to your dreams.
Time is of the essense.
Don't let this be another page in the diary. Brace yourself.
-Adi Infernity Berman S.
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Infernity