So - this evening I went to a friend's house.

He is a computer guru, an organized, catagorized, neat and tidy, all glasses in the cupboard facing the same way kinda bloke. I, on the other hand, am USELESS with technology, organized but in my own disorganized way, messy, no glasses in the cupboard (they are all in the sink) kinda gal.

Where do the two of us come together, you ask? He hates writing, I love it. That's where we come together. Yes, surprizing, but true.  He's a clever bloke. I'm a smart chick. He and I look at things in totally different ways but amidst the confusion, find a way to debate, deliberate and discuss all kinds of blog writing stuff and somehow via some weird channel that I can't even begin to understand - begin to understand eachother. Learn from eachother... well, I learn from him - not sure he learns from me (!).

So blogging and all that blah blah... what's it all about? Why do it? Why do I do it? Why do I even WANT to do it? I haven't got the faintest idea. I can't really get my head around it myself. He deliberates, thinks things out, has everything in charts and tables. I - just splurt it out in one go. No editing, no re-writing, no thinking... just automatic pilot. And there it is - my life on the page.

Tonight, we talked about the ability to un-learn something... should I study writing? Can it be unlearned... should one study it? Should one enrich one's mind in order to create a better art form?

Hmmm... its a thought to ponder. A concept to consider. A idea to  - ughh. You see? Its not my style all this structured thinking... which brings me back to my original point... whats the better way - natural art form or well-studied method? 

Some actors learn to act and then go back to basics. Some painters learn to paint and then forget what they have learned (apparantly) and put their rawest emotions on the canvas ...

Me - ? Damned if I know. I just know this. Writing for me is like breathing. Its my easiest form of expression. It comes to me like blinking (its unconscious)...  well written, well read or just raw art - I kinda like it this way...

And now - I'm blogging off - until tomorra.

Night.

Love you

Hate you

Want you

Forget you

Get over you

One word

Remember you

Want you

Need you

One touch

Love you

Hate you

Forget you

Remember you

Time passes

Forget you

A small sign

Feel you

Want you

Only you

Still you

Selfish you

Irritating you

Only you

Strange you

Arrogant you

Distraction

Forget you

Reminder

Love you

Still you

Only you

Always you

Forever you

Why?

So - dating.

Usually, when you go on a blind date you have three situations. You have 'Yes', 'No' and 'Maybe.  The 'Yes' is easy and, very rare. The 'NO', is a pain in the ass, much more common and at the same time, also easy. Its the 'Maybe' that's the killer. What does one do with a 'Maybe'?  Does one give it up and turn it into a 'No'.. or does one venture into that awful grey area that turns your mind into a barrage of questions and hesitations and 'omigod DO I WANT to be here or not?' syndrome.  So - you go on a date. You meet this great guy. He's sweet, he makes you laugh, he showers you with compliments, he asks all the right questions and you find yourself walking to his car thinking - 'do I, or don't I?'. Will he ask me for another date? What do I do if he does? Shall I try it - will it grow on me? Am I going to miss out? Shall I just skip it - shall I just wait and see?  Ugh! I HATE the maybe. 'Maybe' should be illegal.... should be folded up on a piece of paper, stuffed into a bottle and thrown into the sea with the hope it may never come back again.  Indeed, 'Maybe' can lead to no end of problems. No end of conflict...even, disaster(!). Is 'Maybe' really just the preverbial 'No' - in disguise... ?  That's the problem, there is always the fear that that 'Mabye' might just turn into a 'Yes I will marry you...' Or - can it?  How many 'Maybe's become Yes'?  How many 'Maybe's turn into that awful torture of time passing and you just can't be bothered to go on that next date? All those inner arguments with yourself... the conflict... and inevitably, that first kiss you just can't bring yourself to get through... So - Yes, No or Maybe - what's it gonna be?  Beats me, every time :)