Here we go again.
Depression.
Oh boy oh boy.
I feel like shit. Again.
I miss Sapphire. But I still hate her. I dont think Ill ever stop loving her.
Must hold myself. Must not give in and apologize. She would just hurt me again.
Lost another very good friend. One of my best friends. She was like a mother figure for me.
And I hurt her. Im a shit of a person.
Hurt the person you need the most is the stupidest thing I could do. And well... I did it.
So now Im lonely.
On the outside Im still smiling and cheerfull.
Inside Im broken.
The lack of the job is hard as well. My best friend isnt there to ask how Im doing. He isnt here to ask me whats wrong. He isnt here to tell me shes not worth it. He isnt here to make me laugh.
Want to die.
This loneliness is terrifing.
Cant sleep.
Havent slept for 3 days.
Want to die.
Wish I could talk to someone. But all the ones I talk to about things like this are not around. They either hate me or just dont have the time to see me.
Why me?
Want to die.
Need to go back to my old workplace. Speak with my best friend. He needs to take me out. I need to meet new people. Its like running in circles.
I dont relate to people my age. Im not attracted to 17yr old girls. I feel like Im stuck in this underage body.
Older women dont even glance at me. Or do they? My terrible confidence is whats holding me back.
Need to brave out. Need to find a girlfriend.
Yes... That will solve all my problems.
Someone to love. Someone to hold.
Someone to send messeges when Im on the bus on my way home.
Someone to send flowers to just because when I thought of her my day became brighter.
I need someone to love.
Its a cruel game.
I see others... And Im jealous.
Want to die.
Need to go get some sleep now.
Must go to my workplace and take immidiate actions.
Might go back to Yotvata.
Sleep...
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