gifted soul

Something was missing, and I didn't have a clew what it was. I just wanted to be accepted in my school, that people may respect me and show me that they like me. Just that same day I was talking to Shlomit on the phone. I asked her what Noa and all her other friends think about me, “well are you sure you want to know?” I knew from the moment she sead that, that they don’t really like me. I asked her again eagerly “yes im sure… tell me what they think about me”, “well…” she hesitated “they think your kind of a ‘wannabe’?!” I could hear it in her voice that she was scared to tell me. “So do you think im a ‘wannabe’?” I acted as if I didn’t care what they think, but I knew that I was angree and hurt. “Look Liran, I don’t really think you’re a ‘wannabe’ but I think you just want to be different” she answered slowly and I heard she put her word carefully together.

You know wanting to be different is the same thing as being a ‘wannabe’” I was so frustrated.  

It was a cold night and I was all alone. Actually it wasn't just like any other night, it was New Years Eve. Sitting on my bed with a frown on my face, just thinking of all the foolish things have done in the past few months. Realizing that they weren’t worth anything. Or maybe I was just confused, angree, sad, jealous and hurt really badly. Looking at the shelf, I saw hair color box that I had bought a few weeks ago. It was Chinese black, and at that time that was what I thought would be a nice color. I thought to myself hey im bored, and there’s nothing to do, why not make a change in my hair. I took the hair color to the bathroom and started reading instructions, and I did just as it had been written on the box. After about an hour my hair was pitch black, so black that it was almost dark blue. But of course I thought it had looked really good. And yet I was still very unhappy. Something was missing, and I didn't have a clew what it was.

המשך יגיע

that was me back then

אבל הוא אחי הגדול הוא היה אמור לתת כבוד...

אבל הוא צחק עליי... הוא ידע שאני צודקת

ראיתי את זה בעיניים שלו..

כל פעם שאנחנו מדברים על זה הוא יודע שאני צודקת ושהוא

לא יכול לבוא נגדי. אוהבת אותו... אני באמת אוהבת אותו

אבל כואב לי הלב.. כל כך.

אני שמחה אבל כשאני חושבת על הדברים הטיפשים

שהוא עושה משהו מכאיב לי בלב.

רק מסה לעזור אבל כשאנשים מגלים ת'הגיל שלי

צוחקים עלי. אני נראת בת 20

אני יודעת... אבל הגיל לא קובע

יש לי עוד מקום ללכת... רק אל תתנו לי הרגשה רעה כשאני אעזוב.

קצת חופש לא נורא=]