?where is my mind

Religion

The Glory of Putin (more like the glory of poontang, amirite?) is the official religion of Mother Russia.

People

Russian men express love with their fists, and most Russian children are the product of rape and inbreeding. Orphans are also readily available from Russia, as baby factories are set up in Siberia to fuel their child prostitution and pornography industries.When you go to Russia, and you are not Russian, be sure not to smile if you are alone, this is a sign that you wish to have kbs.

Russians speak Russian (Русский язык), which is written in Cyrillic. Their ability to write a simple alphabet that differs from the Roman alphabet gives them a major superiority complex. Never mind the fact that Chinese, Japanese, and Korean are much more complicated writing systems. Their ignorance of their neighbors to the East may be the cause for this fierce sense of superiority.

Russian general knowledge is very good: they know a little bit about virtually everything. Russians have an overwhelming sense of pride in the inefficiencies of Communism. While Soviet Russia was unable to produce a functioning toaster, to the Russians that was okay because they had the bombs. The availability of food is unimportant to the Russian, as he can simply brew vodka in his bathtub and damn do they make it good.

Some favorite pastimes of Russians are drinking vodka, pedophilia, selling organs on the black market, shooting people, standing in bread lines, and killing Chechnyans for their delicious oils. When America does something it is evil; when Russia does the same thing it is glorious!

Due to their god awful history and present situation, the Russian people are a hearty bunch. It is not uncommon to see roving street gangs in Moscow beating up innocent people. Do not fear though, as this is the police force.

While it is unusual for heterosexuality to flourish in modern Russia, the occasional straight male tourist will likely be disappointed by the leg hair, mustaches, and overall stench of the women in this bizarre nation.

Government

There is a government, but the Russian mafia or Brotherhood (in russian Bratva / Братва) is much more interesting and influential. The Brotherhood also have much, much more money than the Russian government. If you have any business in Russia (although hopefully you don't), it is much quicker to work directly with the Brotherhood rather than through government agencies. It's also cheaper. In Russia, one needs to know people in power to make things work. You must know someone, who knows someone in power; it is the way to have the things done in Russia.

Economy

The Russian economy is principally organized by the Brotherhood. This is very comforting to government and business leaders in Western democracies because it's a familiar system. If you have problems with your business partners, your "brotherhood" will meet with the other guy's "brotherhood", and they will try to settle your problems trough discussion. If they can't get right, they may apply to a "thief in the law" who will take a decision. There alsou is an official way of settling the problems through a court, but it is less effective. Many businesses prefer to employ commercial departments of police or private security companies, which in reality are just a camouflaged brotherhood aka bratva.

The accepted currency in Russia currently are the following: American dollars, German cars, vodka, and attractive women. The currency is subject to change.

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