My Whole Thought.

But let's just keep it a secret.

Can't bear the difference between the thought and the done.

I couldn't even think such a happiness can be cut out,

or that they'll grow without talking about it.

The need and the will take their place in my mind.

Can't concentrate enough to crush them.

I would have never believed I will be the one to think so,

so freely, so totally.

I made it and they will never be able to see it, not with their narrowed eyes,

not with their blindness.

Grief is calling again.

keep repeating the 'musn't die' thing,

I don't know how long it's going to take till I stop.

How could you be so heartless? 

And then,

You just open your eyes and see the TRUTH.

I don't know how that will be, trying to mix both soul and body,

The perfect balance.

Such an ironic scene.

I want to be a part of it,

I want to feel whole,

but how can the balance be achieved?

Meanwhile, I'm just trying

Will I ever find him?

If I could let others decide what's real and what's not,

maybe I could have lived just a little longer.

And they are so blind. Their death is calling them everywhere they go,

Do they want to hide it?

Do they prefer others to take care of them?

If I could just have the right WORDS,

in the right place...

All existence is amount to the ability of speaking.

persuading them would save my life.

I wish they weren't so stubborn.

When you know you are going to die..

All these meaningless things just laught at you.

And you can't escape.

only a matter of money time.

~

Can't fix my thought to the right way of willing,

It's all stupid, and sometimes I don't even care.

It's not that I'm willing to this,

It's unavoidable.

There's too much to lose.

I haven't saved anything, I haven't found him, I haven't lived there,

I haven't had my own piece of communication.

I've done NOTHING.

And that's the only thing that will stay after I go.

I'm losing my mind over here.

Why can't  I run away?