'24' is closer than it seems
Towards 2010 that approaches us in baby steps and due to the fact that jack bauer will always be the best tv character that was ever made, I desided to approach the producers of fox broadcasting system (and kieffer Sutherland) in order to tell them online what I really think of them : "Jack Bauer I hate you, hate everything that you make me do every time a new season approaches, hate you because of the lack of the sleep, hate you because I can not communicate with people at work 'cause I arrive topple to the office, hate you 'cause every year there's a bit of hyper active hysteria surrounding the product named '24'. Because of you and this product, dear Jack, I can't control the dvd remote, I can not permit myself not seeing what's going to happen next. You and the producers of '24' make me ignore the lack of sleep, you make me unable to communicate with myself, I'm finding myself actually calculating how many hours I have left before I’ll need to wake up for work and that's how I know if I have a bit more time to watch another episode, lack of life is total and everything due to addiction to this product that is called '24'".
What would be an ideal season of 24? In my head it goes a bit like this:
08:00 - 09:00
First thing first, I open my eyes. Than I raise the telephone to call the most expensive hooker in the market. Than I'm taking myself out from home, purchase some candy to create some sugar rush 'cause I'm gonne get laid. Than I go to the beach with the prostitute, ignore the people on the shore, and somewhere on one of the biggest rocks in the Mediterranean Sea I fuck her brains out and at the end I blast her forehead on the rock.
09:00 - 10:00
Two policemen approaching, two bareta guns in my direction and two gunfire warnings towards the sky. I throw the dead hooker at them, bleeding from the forehead, they're surprised and I start swimming towards the Mediterranean Sea, an ocean motorcycle approaching, I climb on it's rear seat, attach a knife to the driver's throat, and point towards Tel Aviv's harbor, the driver starts trembling and I throw him in midway. I push forward on the gasoline and the sweets that I had earlier start to give they're course.
10:00 - 11:00
Tel Aviv 's harbor is full with bathers, I abandon the motor-scooter and run with the knife towards the sea shore, laugh like crazy and kidnaps a dish with omlette from the first restaurant that appear in front of me, the diner opposes and receives a stab in the forehead, I put all the dish as a madman in my mouth and start running on the boardwalk with omlette leftovers on my cheek. Two squad cars stop my ran and I'm frustrated. Wait to see what's gonne happen next.
12.00 – 11.00
A clown with balloons filled with entertaining helium is amusing the crowds on the boardwalk, I spit on his forehead and steal his balloons, instead of paying attention to the cops I start inhaling the helium and talk in a squeaky voice:
"hello, what's going on? Can't you see that something just isn't right?"
They lower they're defenses from and I jump a Kawasaki ninja motorcycle that stops in the middle of the road. a shot scratches my shoulder and I flee towards the hospital.
12:00 - 13:00
I slip the ninja at the entrance of the hospital, two nurses come to assist, they start treating me and then start asking: "who shot you"? I rip the zonda from my vain and stick it in the hot nurse's neck. Before security arrives I feel a bump in my pants again and I rape her silly at the lobby. An old man wearing glasses look's at me funny and I cut off his balls with the knife.
13.00 – 14.00
I steal an ambulance and dress properly, static noises from within the radio device inform me that an old man was hit by a bus next to holon's junction, I put my paddle to the metal and I'm already there, run over a donkey a few second's before my arrival and the ambulance flips over. A small child arrives, awakening me after I passed out, asks me if I need an ambulance, I tell him to come closer and than I take him as an hostage while dozen's of people surround the fucked up van with bizarre look on they're faces.
15.00 – 14.00
There's a feeling of thirst in my troth, I bite the boy's neck and start drinking, changes in the body's habitual response take their course. I pick up a bareta pistol from the flipped out ambulance and shoot 20 people two centimeter from their heart's, still not a psychotic murderer, only trying to find out why the sugar's overdose has yet to cease.
16.00 – 15.00
On the road to Ben Gurion's Airport there is to much traffic, I decide to kidnap a truck of artillery trainees, two shot's in the drivers head and all the children jump off the truck, a tank roars from the left, F16 planes come out from the sky and I inhale a fresh dirty breathe full of smug, erupt the barriers on the way and see a big airplane fly threw a transparent tear.
17.00 – 16.00
Sixteen M16's help me arrive terminal one, I erupt the compound with the truck and butcher of the receptionist. My cell phone rings in my pocket and I answer my mother: "Oren, is everything alright?" she asks, I say "sure" and hang up. Tears come out from my eyes and I start crying. A young backpacker stands in the flight column, I take her backpack and jump threw the cargo loophole.
18.00 – 17.00
I open the knapsack and find a small bottle, filled with tiny s of LSD, 135 of them immediately slide down my throat. GOD appears in front of me. I ask him: "Where is the question mark?". He answers: "In the beginning I created the sky AND the country, signs of punctuation are not my expertise, I am not Eliezer ben Judea". Two playboy bunnies slip above me and cause my pants feeling wet. With mucous trickles from my ears I beg: "Take me to Yuli Tamir".
18.00 – 19.00
July is one of hottest months in the holy land. Yuli Tamir whisper me my ear:
"the question mark is situated in the judean desert, don't go up the tear that flies, you're in the wrong direction". "Direction, where should i turn?".
Two figures dressed in black spikey rays cuff my wrists to a solitary chair and start punching my head. "what did you do?" They ask, "Everything due to the sweets", I shriek.
20.00 – 19.00
Bleeding wrists chained to a chair in a secured truck heading toward tel kabir penitentiary. An amazingly smelly guy that lost his self control ages ago sings to himself: "come to me, nice butterfly…". A rifle at his head by an homosexual causes him to laugh. He's being raped as he scream: "I have to mush hair at my ass, please shave me before you rape me". The driver observes the rear mirror yells to the guard: "Leave me something as well, this screwed up guy hasn't even begun paying for what he did". One moment of not paying attention and the vehicle trips over from the side of the road, flips in mid air and catches fire.
21.00 – 20.00
Crawling sands filled with black scorpions cause me nibbling glasses, the mouth is filled with fuss and teeth is rotten with decay, I strip butt naked and start crawling on the boiling sand while the evening arrives. My dick almost falls and I see a great deal of police cars and ambulances on the street, helicopters brighten the sand I try to hide as an ostrich would do.
22.00 – 21.00
An airplane crashes near my balls, 256 dead bleeding fatalities, I feel the cops closing in on me, I climb the cockpit, throw the dead corpse off the broken window and try to activate the gambo 747, turns Out the battery is dead, I take a flying waitress uniform and with a skirt I start running toward the sunrise.
23.00 – 22.00
The sunrise turns out to be a terrorist attack in the mall, I slip inside dressed with my tiny skirt, my brain is a bit bare to the fresh air, I steal a Mickey mouse hat from a young toddler, laughing to myself and than steal his lollipop as well.
I have no teeth, just bleeding gums, but the taste is a taste of heaven, my ass burns as well, i go to the facilities and wipe, I feel my buttocks falling.
24.00 – 23.00
Makeup material's from the 'April' collection helped me simulate a woman properly, a little predicted I admit but in order to flee the FBI you need to be screwed up. I meet self in the mirror, "what's up?" I ask, and I tell myslef
"Wow, you're wasted". I start to bite myself in the inside of the cheek, start feeling the tongue exits outside the skin, I can not cease thinking about the question mark, and why in my first meeting with GOD he directed me to Yuli Tamir.
01.00 – 00.00
The road to the judean desert is filled with tears, rain of bleeding frogs land on my unicycle; I lick the first frog and ask her if we are in heaven or in hell? The frog cracks from the bottom of her throat, sits on the loophole of the unicycle and points her little leg toward the caves of kumran.
02.00 – 01.00
Electronic tones cause the mountains to move, I move my half ass and enter the small circuit of raving people. I'm being served chilled beer and I drink it straight from the side of my cheek into the throat, I discover that I a also have a hole in my throat, a girl with braids in her hair and eight Tika's on her forehead drinks the beer straight from my throat, I ask her if the mucous doesn't bother her and she replies "the more the merrier".
03.00 – 02.00
A question mark pointed from a spotlight directs me toward a cave, in the entrance stands an old man with crutches and a small blunt, a riddle in his mouth: "if a person buys a key, does he have a memory?". I tell him: "The question mark is my task, I don't care about any keys". I tie a rope around his neck and enter the cave. A Bonfire filled with sparks brighten my punctuated face, I stand in it's center and catch fire.
04.00 – 03.00
GOD tells me to relax; I give him a bottle of mineral water of minerals and slap him. Maybe this is not reality at all, everything due to the sugar rush, GOD stand's with the question mark in his hands, telling me: "what do you want from this so much, will he give you the answers for all the questions you seek? Not everything has an answer, so am I, all the ants I created was just game pieces". I start running in circles and whine as a broken down coyote and start climbing the mountain.
05.00 – 04.00
I finish the climb with baby giant steps; scream to the moon that is already running away: "my soul I would sell, even GOD doesn't have all the answers". Jump from the cliff of the top of the mountain and the down from the sugar rush start to take its course.
06.00 – 05.00
A helicopter unit of extracts me to the nearest hospital, I don't have any feeling in my body besides my head, my brain is trying to realize why tears of blood is sleeping on my cheeks. The sun begins its rising. I suddenly realize I have only two more hours 'till this day is over, and with it the purpose I started this day with, if I'll have 24 hours to live, what will I do?
07.00 – 06.00
The helicopter lands and I'm being delivered to the emergency room, the anesthetics does not influence me and I see a surgeon cuts my body, but yet , I feel nothing, still I shout and scream, someone puts a small bone in my mouth and I start chocking. into the room erupts two bodyguards of the elected president, tell me that I have an urgent call, put me on a wheelchair and take me to reception. Mr. President barks me at me: "What did you do and why?". I exploit the momentum and still the security firearms, one shot in each forehead and then I rotating the wheelchair to get out of there.
08.00 – 07.00
It's hot outside, typical Israeli hot weather, I smell bad, with a hole in my cheek and with only half an ass I understand that maybe everything was just a dream or just an illumination, I enter the first candy store I see buy a cold tasty ice cream start hating myself, I feel that I'm about to lose control and as a final act throw my wheelchair in front of a raging truck.
All of the above was written from a deep desire that '24' series would lose control towards the 8th season.
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