I tend to recall so many things when I'm alone. I don't even know if it is any way good anymore, being all by myself. She is the enemy's sword and my very own shield all at the same time - So I don't even know how to react to certain situations. Trust me, she never trailed anywhere inside my mind.

I sometimes lay in bed listening to old playlists again, ignoring any messages. I feel the air so tight in my throat I can almost throw up all of my demons outside at once. I didn't throw up in such a long time, didn't feel the shape of a knife - But, I can never let myself get drown again. I need to handle everything fairly, bite my own lip and hit the white high wall, leaving everything aside; remembering. What I have to give to live through this path. I gave so many chances, to so many people, I gave almost everything up.
I lied, and was being lied to, I got hurt and hurt so many others.
I look at my Mom's face and I can't stop these tears choking on me, I want to hug her. I want to apologize but - She never understands why. I can never be this person you want me to be. I can never satisfy anyone. A failure?
No. I love the person I am no matter how hard I can get and how tough to handle with, but these ghosts keep on struggling my insides. These dark memories, so clearly shown to me.
These dark places. And rooms. All of them, placed so amazingly good inside my head, I can't miss any single one of them while walking through. I can't skip, or deny, neither forget.

I think my muse ran out. Cya.

I can't hate the ones who made me.