Never being there. Without a way to know what's going on.
It's like my worst nightmare, it is my worst nightmare.
Not being there....over and over again. In this state I knowe ho so fucking well. There's no reason to blame myself, he says, but, if not myself then who? the world? reality? my luck? my lack of such?
not even trying to convience him, as if we share the same thoughts...we do. "Why all this?" I know well where he stands. Can't think of losing him. The sorld reflecrs it all so well, so cold, no metter how well I dress. Gray. Cold. The wind blowws, dead.\
The deepest pain is ugliness, I somehow helplessly try to push Wilde into all of it...Find some beauty, something to hold on to, continue...he asked me to..And I can't resist him, no, not now.
It's not that I gave my word, no, it's worse. I felt it. I owe him at least this, at least trying, and if not...well, I'll just have to believe my Diamond and Noirette and Fate will wait for me on the side of the veil. If not, then.....why try at all?
גם בשבילי:http://israblog.co.il/blogread.asp?blog=625578&blogcode=11620707
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