And once again that feeling, that sorrow.
I am no longer the me i used to be...
I am no longer the Carmel that everyone loves,
I am no longer that friendly girl, the one that always smiles
I am no longer the Carmel that always has people around her, and that's always in the middly of everything.
I am no longer myself, I am no longer happy, I am no longer a daughter with a mother.
I no longer enjoy life, I don't have that passion to life anymore.
I don't dream, I don't hope, I don't wait and mostly - I don't expect.
I don't expect to anything from anybody.
I'm confused
I'm scared. I don't know if not going to the army was the right decision, and I don't know if Ireland is an idea that was only taken by a moment of stupidity.
I don't if i will ever get married, cuz what is a wedding worth without my mother?
I don't know if i will ever have bebies, that won't have a grandma.
I don't know if i will ever do what i love, cause which women will hug me after i said i did it?
I don't know if i will ever be happy, cause what gives me a reason to?
I do know one thing, that i will never be myself again...
I yet got used for the fact i have only two friends.
I have no idea where life is taking me,
I'm afraid of future...
i wanna fall asleep and dream about tomorrow, and wake up knowing what is coming.
I can't feel my mom anymore, i used to know she's always there - i can't feel she's right here next to me anymore,
I can't hear her, I can't see her, I can't ask her a question and imagine what she'd say if she was still alive,
I can't feel her hands, I can't taste her food, I can't look into her eyes,
I just wanna yell at someone very very very very lowed,
WHY THE HELL DID YOU TAKE MY MOTHER AWAY FROM ME AND MY FAMILY? WHY THE HELL DID YOU TAKE ONLY HER AND LEFT US IN A CRUELER WORLD?
why specificly us? why did you take a young beautiful healthy women that has passion to life and that has wishes and hopes? why did you take the most amazing person on the planet? why did you take the only person who could understand me? why did you leave me, a tree without roots, alone?
why my mother?
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