Sometimes, as Frodo said in The Return of the King, and which I'm pretty
sure was not in the book, there is no way back. It wasn't in the book,
but I don't mind it. I think the movie was a fine one. Also,
I'm a great admirer of the books and I still love the movies very much. I
don't mind there were some new dialogus and that Pippin got Merry's
phrases or what not. The third movie just speaks directly to my heart and I can do nothing but listen. I watched it many
times and at each stage of my life I discovered some new t .
Now it seems that the theme for me is loss. The loss of innocence, of security,
of safe heaven, simply put, the loss of home which you fought so hard
for, and at last you discover it isn't really meant for you. That
somehow the fighting bacame a war not to protect the things you care for
but simply to survive. There are things that cannot be undone, not
fully forgiven for either, not if the guilty don't admit their
wrong doing or ask for forgivness. The Jedue-Christian truth of forgiving
and loving no matter what was done to you is just a preaching to
participate in Stocholm's Syndrom in some cases, in my opinion.
One of the other truths is that there are crimes of behaviour, of the soul and
emotion. I lived like this, in such circumstances my whole
life and some other life experience were added to my emotional burdens,
to the cross of my soul. The simple truth is (which is never simple) is
that I have no reall home nowdays, I have a house but no more.
There is no way back for me, and the people I wish to forgive don't ackwanoldge
their guilt toward me, nor desire my forgivness. All this was the
process of slow dribling years and of anger and pain and tears. This is
the culmination of my life so far, the abandoned home, the stonefaced
parents of mine. I anticipated exactly this for some years now. I always
knew we would end in a blazing row, on my angry leaving and all
covering chilling silence. I just did not expect it to happen
now, these weeks just before my 22 birthday.
I would be 22 at midnight. All I'm capable of doing is reflecting upon my past and embrace more closely my solitude while my father watches the TV in the next room. One of the facets of lonliness is being surrounded with people you love, family members that don't see you nor really look into your eyes. I look at them and with all the yearning of my heart and wish to be loved back. And maybe I am, in their own sick twisted way, but I am not loved as I deserve. My parents's love for me always came with a nice little price tag. I tried all my life so very hard to satisfy them, to excell in everything I did yet I never succeeded. I'm coming to the realization that I never would. Every success is quickly overlooked, every deed that does not fulfil their expectation of me is always criticized and remembered. Nothing I will ever do will be good enough in their eyes.
I got my own emotional scars from all of this, more then I would like to remember. The only good thing that fruited from the Greece tragedy that is my family life is that I would always cherish kindness, empathy, compassion, friendship and love above all else. I try as much as I can to give it to anyone who needs it even if it isn't always mutual. I know all too well the price of life without much of any of these emotions.
בבלוג זה
בכל הבלוגים
כינוי:
הייתי בכנות רוצה להמשיך במסורת הסוקראטית העתיקה של השחתת הנפש הרכה של הנוער עם יותר מדי ידע (ואולי גם עם דברים אחרים 
). אני רוצה לפתוח את מוחות התלמידים שלי לעולמות אחרים,
למסדרונות של ידע, לפלאי היקום. אולי בעצם עדיף שאקח אותם לסיבוב
בטרדיס ואגמור עניין...