Every once in a while I toy with the idea of winning a Nobel Literature Prize. It used to be a dream of mine, to win one (or two?) of those. But then I understood something. So when I toy with the thought, it looks differently.
Ladies and gentlemen, I am very pleased to see you here today. It is a splendid feeling to see you all, looking very pleased with my victory, my achievements, my work, et cetera. You found my work and me sufficient and worthy according to your standards, and here I am, thousands of miles from my home, in Stockholm, about to receive one of the most prestigious prizes to which a writer could ever aspire.
When I was a teenager and just made my first cautious steps into literature, it was a dream of mine to be here. I always imagined what euphoria it would be. My dream seems to have come true, judging by my trembling... (Pause)
But to be honest, the word 'seems' is not out-of-place. To be more honest, I am feeling rather ashamed to be here. (The crowd is very surprised and starts whispering 'What? "Ashamed"?!' in many languages) Would you please let me finish? (They gradually but quickly turn silent) Thank you.
I am ashamed to be found worthy of receiving the prize given to writers such as Akinwande Oluwole Soyinka, a man who wrote about the dangers of white collonialism's destruction of customs such as sacrificing the chief of the tribe, or to Shmuel Yosef Agnon, who portrayed non-Jews as blood-thirsty murderers in his works [yes, he did that. If you read his story The Mistress and the Tradesman, you'll see just how disgustingly he did it] and wrote in a language impossible to translate, while a superb writer such as Natan Altermann, who was nicknamed 'The Nation's Conscience', who wrote so majestically about society and politics and truly represents the revival of the Jewish people―(Someone attempts to protest; I bark at him/her) SHUT UP! LET ME FINISH THE FUCK UP!―was ignored altogether by you.
Sometimes it seems you simply work according to populistic considerations. You have given much credit to the Jews, which they do not deserve even remotely. You've given a prize to a writer who endorsed human sacrifice, just so you won't be accused of racism. Aren't there any humane writers you could have awarded? What was wrong with Okot p'Bitek, for instance? And how many gay writers have you awarded? There was André Gide, and... anyone else?
Let me tell you a story: back in 2005, a Nigerian man named Osagie Igbinedion living in Ireland was put to trial for accidentally killing a baby during circumcision. In Ireland, mind you, circumcising anyone without his/her consent was against the law, at least back then. So what did he do? He told the court not to judge him according to their 'white Western values'. And guess what: he was declared innocent, and even said Nigerians in Ireland would be happy to see more babies circumcised. This, ladies and gentlemen, was SHEER COWARDICE. Excuse me, but if someone say that freedom of choice over one's own body is part of the 'white Western values', what am I supposed to say? That the white men's values are superior?
I've had enough with all this Western cowardice. Until you wake up and learn to grant such an important prize to someone who is truly worthy of it, I will feel ashamed to receive it. I shall not, however, decline the prize; I shall accept the monitary prize and the certificate with it, but I will sell the certificate and donate most of the money.
Now I'd appreciate it if you minimise your contact with me as much as possible. Thank you, and good night. (I walk off the stage with a resentful expression on my face.)
Unum diem...
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