Large groups. Large groups of people make me feel alone.

When I’m in a large group of people, I feel like an outsider. Like all my social skills have vanished into the thin air.

So I feel detached. Like I’m not really there. It’s strange that I sometimes feel it even in the family group. Like I don’t belong there. Like I’m somewhere else. Strange that it happens even where you’re supposed to feel most comfortable.

It also happens with friends. It also happens here in this virtual world. Sometimes the feeling of being an outsider takes over. I look at the people around, but don’t belong anymore. Like everybody just mingle in this big party, and I’m leaving myself in the corner with my drink.

And so I build a wall. A wall with some gates in it, and only few people can get in through the gates. Through these gates I sometimes go out to visit the neighbors. Short visits. Because I can’t stay long. When you stay long, eventually more and more people are going to come and join the party, and the outsider feeling will start again. When that happens I will just quietly leave the party and go back through my wall.