Thoughts

I'm having a hard time trying to figure out who I am now and what is the path I should choose.

everything seems so shallow and not important.

I find myself searching all day and all night, but I cannot find my way, cannot find the light.

the hole in my heart is hurting me so bad, stabbing me from the inside, tearing me apart.

I feel so lost in space and nothing seems to be enough to fill the emptiness, to make me complete again.

I tried and still trying to go with the flow, thinking about the future, hoping that maybe somewhere in the way I'll find the thing that will hill my soul.

But it all seems so far away right now, and I am trying to be patience, and it hurts, sometimes I'm not sure I can survive through it. 

no one can or should understand.

maybe I'de deserved it. maybe I've been too much of a sinner in this life or my previous, if there is such a thing, that I am being punished for now and all I need to do is to regret my ways, suffer in silence, do good as much as I can and hope that this life will end soon enough.

I can't find my peace, I can't find my happiness, I can't see my life without him. 

the only thing keeping me here is my Mom and my sisters and also maybe the fear of doing something to myself. 

I must find my strength and fast.