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הוסף מסר

3/2008

5 סיבות ל- למה קיטי לא משפריץ


זה התחיל כבדיחה קטנה והתפשט להפלייה והטרדה פיזית.

השמועה על כך שחתולים משפריצים נוזל מרוכז ככלי לסימון טרטוריה, הפכה למושא שנאה נגד קיטי שלי.

אנשים רנדומיילים מורידים לו את הזנב כשהוא בקרבתם, חלקם הפוך מנסים להסניף אותו ובכך להתמסטל.

אנשים דוחים אותו כשהוא מנסה להתחכך בהם או לשתות להם את המיץ עגבניות.

השמועה היא שרק חתולים זכרים עושים זאת רק מדכאת אותו יותר ויותר, לא מאפשרים למאהב הזכר שלו להתקרב לדלת, קיטי אף שקל התאבדות.

 

ברצוני לטהר את קיטי משמועות נבזיות אילו במתן 5 סיבות פיזיולוגיות קרדינליות לכך שהוא אינו מסוגל להשפריץ שום חומר המדובר הנ"ל

 

5 סיבות ל- למה קיטי לא משפריץ:

1- גם אם הוא זכר, יש לו נטיות הומוסקסואליות ולכן אין ברצונו להרחיק את הזכרים.

2- אם הוא אי פעם הייה עושה דבר כזה, אני כבר הייתי מוצאת דרך למכור את זה לילדי אימו עלובים ולהרוויח כסף.

3- מאז הפרידה שלו מ"איגור" החתול הזכרי הראשון שלו, אין לי חתולים זרים בבית ולכן אין שום סיבה שיסמן טרטוריה.

4- הוא פיזית לא מסוגל להשפריץ כלום מפני החתכתי לו את הביצים לפני כחצי שנה.

5- אם הייתי תופסת אותו משפריץ משהו, הייתי הופכת אותו לכרית נוי.

 

 

נכתב על ידי , 27/3/2008 15:56  
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a matter of suave behaviour


I was wondering if anyone is familiar with the following scene, in which you call a "partner-in-realationship" but the term is so long , lets call PIR, but switch the initials to make it more comfortable to the eye,RIP!
So you call one of your RIPs (im sorry im just enjoying my bachelorett state of mind)....back 2 point!


In the background of the conversation you hear an opposite to RIP's sex voice.
it makes you terrified:"what? IT never told me IT's about to meet up with same-sex-as-i-am, am i being cheated on??, why im not prepared for this, does IT aware that i hear this.....(AKA-OMGOMGOMG)"
so you gently ask:
"my sweet RIP, who is there with you? i THINK i hear a cheerfull laugh of a virgin beauty"
RIP:
"no virgins here, it just me, met up some friends on the way"

Now, it's generally makes sense but ur still all nervouse like, "what if not", "what if?", "OR what if?"....
But then u use logic.
and you try to remember that other time when u recived a phone call from RIP, who have supposebly also heard an opposite to-ur-sex voice in the background.


Rip:"Who is there with you?"
You:"no one"
RIP:" but i heard a voice"
You:"it was from the outside"
RIP:" it sounded realy close"
You:" well there are some Emo's playin at the playpark outside and i am watching a movie"
RIP:"it didnt sounded like a movie"
You:" Oh christ, u think that everytime you leave the house i make a slumber party??"
RIP:"No im sorry its just that it sounded li...."
You:" well, lots of stuff sound, in any case, trust me, when ill make a slumber party u will be in the guest book"


Now after running something like that in your head ur body gets all relaxed, you know that now you have nothing to worry about, accept that in 'that one time', you weren't alone, and u actually have cheated....at least 4 times

now im asking if anyone is familiar with this scene, coz im obviously not!!


42.5

shamefull
נכתב על ידי , 26/3/2008 21:50  
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in a tutu


the holiday spirit took over me, an im pretty mother fuckin happy....wich is odd to concider my :"I have a pineapple stuck in my ass so im feelin and lookin a little bit odd" general behavior.

 

now as much as i am an interesting and exiting person i want to go over the years so understad what the hell 'was' i doin in purim b4. timetravel...timetravel...timetravel...timetravel...timetravel...timetravel...timetravel...timetravel...timetravel...timetravel...timetravel...

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timetravel...

 

yes i remember:

the first costume i had.

6 years old: it was un the communist russia, for "Noviy God", my mom made it, i was the tooth fairy (i do not recall the original name) i had a white ling dress with aluminium stars glued to it, i had a starlike wand and i crown.

for some reason i hated it, it bothered my running around and messing up the appartment skills.

9 years old: it was in israel, i finnaly had the guts to communicate with the native children, i was some kind of mistress i think "Ester", ha, even then i was a bitch, ester-ashtat-ashora....well those who know, know!

10 years old: that was retarted, i was skinny as hell, somewhat enorectic, and i was the green ranger, 'billy' i think was his name, i realy liked the costume, but apparently it was me only....got beaten up in the end of the day....was a good fight....(not)

11 years old: i even had so called friends, i was a silent yet extreemly manipulative child, with a weird sence of humor and knowlege of english, i had this pink chick costume i got from my cousine.....i was i chick!!! yea, it was weird.

12 years old:  new school, had to make impression, was still skinny as death, it was my first 'partners' costume, i was "James" from "Rocket Team", my partner was a girl dressed as  "Jesse" and we had a random chick that we found in our class dressed as i cat to be "Meow"

13 years old: still with a partner costume, i was the devil with huge, huge black wings, i was too small for those wings, and they were soo huge, my partner 'Naama' i think, was an angel.

14 years old: i was in the super smart sciense class, i was the female Santa asisstant, i was horrish then i admit, thank god till age of 19 i got fat.

 

The later years i've fell deeper into the "OMFG mmorpg", so i did had a costume, i was a gnagster, in Ragnarok.

 

Wizo high school;

age of 16:a partner costume again, i took some of my moms clothing, i was a HO, my partner 'hadar' was the Pimp and we were walkin together, she also had a picture of young Odeta in her jacket.....

age of 17: i was "NOT a cat but a BUNNY", i was lookin like a gangsta cat, and i had this sign sayin "NOT A CAT, BUT A BUNNY"

it was disturbing i must agree.

age of 18: i had no one to celebrate with, actually i was already living alone, it was me and my cat, but suposebly my costume was "a BDSM mistress", while actually i came home from work and didnt change

age of 19:i dont fucking remember,still living alone, me and my cat, but i think i was bored and put some baggy pants, a T, some spiky belt and a lousy cap and took out my skate, i was a Faggot

 

 

 

and now at the supreme age of 20, i am going to be: A Bunny, but not just a bunny, oder eine praktisch kaninchen!!!!! Schoone!!!

נכתב על ידי , 18/3/2008 12:24  
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