Magnum opus

  Praise be to teh Ceiling Cat, I finally remembered I need to write a post about my Tectifelinity, id est, the belief in teh Ceiling Cat (from Latin tectum, ceiling, and feline).

  So what does a Tectifeline believe in?

  The Tecifeline follower believes there is a Ceiling Cat which created teh whole world. He is neither female nor male, because He’s technically a male kitteh, but He’s still a pussy. He is in all the ceilings of the world, as well as in teh sky, which is teh ceiling of teh world. He sees everything. He created teh world with great wisdom, as only a kitteh can.

  Contrary to common belief, cats are smarter than hoomins, they just lack thumbs so they can’t dominate teh world. As the Chinese have learned many ages ago, teh kittehs used to rule the world, but they understood it’s a really tiring job that just never ends. So they decided to find a species dumb and proud enough to rule the world in their place, and the only ones fit were teh hoomins. That was teh kittehs’ Original Sin, for which they lost their thumbs to teh hoomins (who lost their ability to talk to other species), and so many of them walk around in bins. The only kitteh left with opposable thumbs is teh Ceiling Cat.

  Teh Ceiling Cat, however, is not alone. As his eyes in all ceilings serve lots and lots of angel-kittehs, who, at times, do his messengery works. And yes, there were kittehs who fell back first from grace, lead by teh Basement Cat.

  Teh Basement Cat is a black cat, and like most black cats, he is more intelligent than the average kitteh. Like all other black cats, teh Basement Cat was behaved somewhat different than other kittehs, mostly shown by his more friendly approach to hoomins. Hence, he, as well as many other black cats, were somewhat shunned from teh other angel-kittehs’ community. Frustrated, teh Basement Cat turned eebil, and attempted to rebel, with an army of black kittehs. It was futile, and they were banished forever from teh Ceiling to teh Basement.

  In his anger, teh Basement Cat dictated a book to a few easily influenced hoomins, which later on caused teh hoomins to fight one another like maniacs. Many a kitteh were indirectly killed because of it, mostly black ones, used as souls teh Basement Cat recruits. Luckily, teh Ceiling Cat was wise enough to give it a name warning us from its contents: The Bible (=Buy Bull). Unfortunately, hoomins are, as previously mentioned, dumb and proud, and didn’t get that.

  In fact, two very important symbols were actually distorted by teh Basement Cat to fool hoomins.

• The first is the ‘crossing oneself’ gesture, which actually symbolises teh Ceiling Cat’s fall from Ceiling to Basement (thus the hand descending down the body), and teh Basement Cat ruling teh whole Floor World (hand across the body).
• The three fingers put together symbolise unison between kittehs, hoomins, and goggehs in achieving this goal, and the two folded ones are the main tools for the job: ignorance and the will to stay ignorant.

  So remember kids, avoid the cross symbol!

  The second is the mano cornuta. Although typically associated with Satan, this is actually a very sophisticated symbol showing true reverence to teh Ceiling Cat:

• The index finger indicates teh Ceiling, because it is longer and is used to point, hence clearing up points; while the pinkie represents teh Basement, because it is the weakest and smallest finger. They are parallel because they must never meet.
• The three fingers put together are the Three Cardinal Species: teh Kittehs, represented by the middle finger (because they don’t give a fuck); teh Goggehs, represented by the ring finger (because they’re apparently redundant); and teh Hoomins, represented by the thumb (to remind kittehs of their Original Sin, and because they bring the other two toegether).
• The palm is sent forward to spread the word.

  Someday, however, teh Basement Cat, as all eebil beings, will be pardoned and be brought to teh Ceiling, having been granted Salvation and a new beginning.

  So, what does teh Tectifeline follower have to believe in and do?

  First of all, one must realise the nature of the two most cardinal principals of Tectifeline philosophy: teh NOM and teh LOL.

  The NOM represents one’s need for physical things to keep one alive, such as food and drink, but it actually goes deeper than that. The NOM also represents teh joy one must produce from consumption of the goods given to one by teh Ceiling Cat. It represents how one must study the matter one was given in this world, mostly in profound meditation―hence the name NOM, meaning ‘Nipped on Meditation’. (Catnip is a tricky issue: A kitteh must not use it if it can cause an addiction, which is something only teh kitteh can learn.)

  The LOL represents the deeper and more pensive, yet somehow lighter side of Tectifeline philosophy. It represents how one must remember that there is more to life than just the physical aspect, that it goes way deeper, and yet one must be able to take it lightly, be able to laugh, and enjoy life―hence the name LOL, meaning ‘Love of Life/Laughter/Lightness/&c.’ One can see how many words are represented here by the same letter, representing teh wisdom of Tectifelinity (which resembles the word ‘felicity’). Teh Ceiling Cat was right, verily.

  Teh Three Cardinal Species have different obligations. Given that we hoomins were deprived of the ability to speak to other animals, we cannot tell completely what teh Goggehs and Kittehs were commanded. Generally, teh Kittehs were generally told to be sympathetic, kind, moral and yet dignified. Teh Goggehs are a dumb lot, so they were told mainly to be sympathetic, kind, moral, and be respectful to Kittehs. Teh Hoomins were told to be respectful to kittehs and be kind and sympathetic, kind, moral, respectful to kittehs, and some other stuff like avoiding the cross symbol. And beware, lest you fall astray and teh Ceiling Cat send you to teh Basement, where AmStaffs shall torture you for ever more!

  But this is quite enough for now; I won’t start explaining the dos and don’ts of teh hoomin Tectifeline.

  (Just one more thing: Teh Lolcat Bible is not teh Ceiling Cat’s holy scriptures! It is just a masking of teh Basement Cat’s eebil Buy Bull!)

  Praise be to teh Ceiling Cat, amenNOM!

  I noticed something interesting. Whenever I get into an argument, it usually ends with me creaming the other person, realising we hold the same opinions but reach them differently and call them other names, or reach and impasse, because evidence either way is insufficient. I’m currently debating the subject of Jewish and Israeli patriotism with this bloke here (in the replies, in Hebrew). He is quite bright, and we seem to be reaching conclusion no. 1... Come follow the argument (if you can), and write down your two cents if you feel like it.

  I recently noticed I started finding little Aspie undertones here and there, a little like queer theorists find gay undertones in some places. For instance, today I realised L and Near from Death Note are a textbook case of AS (the body language, the fact they rarely look at the person they speak to, their fixations, their outfits...). Also, I noticed Natan Altermann’s poem A Concertina and a Guitar sounds like it describes two Aspies: it describes how a man and a woman sit together to play some music; the man rambles on about his job handling taxes and merchandise and things like that, then notices the woman hasn’t said a word, so she starts rambling about her job at the hospital, describing in detail various diseases and medicine, then it says they are both gone and that romance is no more. (My mum, who knows a thing or two about the subject, said the poem just describes two really boring people, but the man is quite likely to be an Aspie, because he rambled without much attention to the woman.)

  From what I gather, Altermann was by no means an Aspie. But Ooba Tsugumi... Well, s/he is still anonymous, maybe it’s because she can’t handle much attention and crowds...?

  Also, I noticed with a bit of outrage that attraction to L instead of Light was regarded as strange in the manga. When the girl who liked him expressed her affection, she was mostly regarded as strange by her friend. Blyad', ever heard of neurodiversity?

  Military service starts very soon. I’m going to the Air Force Equipment Department (and yes, I’ll get that sexy Air Force uniform), and I’ll be a translator, mostly from English to Hebrew, but I’ll probably translate from Italian, Japanese, Korean and whatnot. Keeping my fingers crossed!

  I started cursing a lot more in Russian. Blya.

  Yoda is the real Grammar Nazi: He wants to make a New Word Order. Heil SIEG!

  Unum diem...

  (P.S.: My dear friend Sunshe, a.k.a. Bow-Boy from the list on the side, and his boyfriend whom I call Zayka, are now broken up. This is a golden opportunity, people!)