My closest friend told me to read The Named series. Which I started, quite a while ago. And I've been sending her sporadic emails about it every time I go back to reading, usually after something happens and I need the comfort, ever since I started.

I've read Ratha and Thistle-Chaser a while back (and apparently was already halfway through Ratha's Challenge, though I only found that out today), but with everything that's happened lately she said maybe Ratha's Challenge would comfort me - because it's about healing - and because I didn't quite remember all of Ratha and Thistle-Chaser, I figured I might as well start with it.

I've always identified with Thistle, from the moment I started book three, but with everything that's happened lately, I've been feeling even more like her. I've been pretending to be stronger, more gathered, more aware, but the truth is, I'm a bloody mess. I'm weak and tiny and broken and haunted by my own past. The only difference betweeen me and Thistle is that I don't have a physical injury. It's all emotional.

The thing is, though, I'm jealous of her. Becuase she got to face Ratha and her Dreambiter and she got to confront Ratha with what she's done to her. With the damage she'd inflicted upon her. She got to start the process of healing with her mother.

I don't.

I don't get to face my dad or HIM or those who hurt me and left me a broken mess. I don't get to confront them and try to heal. I don't get to move forward with them. I don't get to see my Dreambiters become my family.

And that knowledge hurts.

Haven't I earned it? The chance to heal? The chance to be something else? Haven't I earned having someone as supportive and patient as Thakur was to her? Someone who could teach me and help me and be there for me?

Haven't I?