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הבלוג חבר בטבעות: הוסף מסר | 8/2014
היי אתה.
סתם מתוך סקרנות, אתה זוכר מה קרה היום בשנה שעברה?
כן, התחלתי את כיתה י"ב ובאתי למצוא אותך.
חשבתי היום על כמה מטורף היה המסלול הזה שעברנו בשנה האחרונה. מאובססיה לסתם חיפוש אוטומטי ל... טוב, לא כלום, אולי טיפה חיפוש והיזכרות, אבל כבר כלום ביחס לכל מה שקרה לפני כן. אתה יודע, מאיך שחיפשתי אותך ובאתי לדבר איתך כל הזמן (וכן, אני יודעת שזה היה מוגזם ושהתגובות שלך היו קרות במכוון, קל לי לראות את זה היום), לזה שהיינו מדברים ככה מדי פעם, אבל גם היו מקרים של "היי, מה נשמע?" וזהו, לזה שפתאום אתה מרגיש נוח לפנות אליי, או מדי פעם לדבר איתי, או לתת לי ללוות אותך לאוטו...
אתה יודע, כשנסעתי לכנס השנה... טוב, הנה רגע של כנות, למרות שאני חושבת שכבר כתבתי את זה כאן פעם, חלק מהצורה שמערכת היחסים הזאת התפתחה בה קשורה למייקל. מייקל, דניאל... שיקגו. אני מניחה שבזה שאני כותבת את זה אני די מכינה את עצמי לקטע שבו אני מספרת לך את זה במציאות, כי אני לא מתכוונת לוותר לך על זה (אתה היחיד שתבין למה החוויה השנה היתה כזאת משמעותית!), אבל הקטע הוא שמאוד הושפעתי מהדמיון ההזוי הזה בינך לבין שניהם. זה מצחיק, אבל תמיד חשבתי שאם אתה ומייקל הייתם מכירים, הייתם יכולים להיות חברים טובים. בכל אופן, באופן טבעי מערכת היחסים שלנו הושפעה גם מזה. זאת לא היתה השפעה רצינית כמו ההשפעה של הדמיון בינינו או של מי שאתה, אבל זה השפיע.
מה שככל הנראה הכי השפיע היה שפגשתי את מייקל באותו הקיץ. בין י' לי"א, כמה שבועות לפני שהתחלנו לדבר. פגשתי את מייקל, דיברתי איתו קצת (הוא יודע להיות כזה מתוק), אפילו קיבלתי חיבוק. אמא יכולה להגיד מה קרה בחלק האחרון - אין לי שום זיכרון (none whatsoever) מהרגע הזה בחיים שלי. אני מניחה שהוא היה כל כך משמעותי וכל כך התרגשתי שהמוח שלי סוג של... shut down. אבל כן, זה קרה, וזה השפיע בכל מיני צורות על החיים שלי, אבל בין היתר, זה השפיע גם על ההתפתחות של מערכת היחסים שלנו.
ואתה יודע, כשנסעתי לכנס השנה... חשבתי לעצמי שזאת תהיה סגירת מעגל ממש יפה. אתה יודע, אחרי סגירת המעגל שאנחנו עשינו בסוף השנה. אני יודעת שקצת כתבתי לך גם בכנס עצמו, ואני יודעת שכבר דיברתי קצת על מה שהיה שם מול מייקל, אבל... אני לא יכולה באמת להסביר לך את הכל עד שניפגש ונשב ונדבר כמו שצריך. אבל כן, זה היה הרבה יותר מסתם סגירת המעגל שחשבתי שזה יהיה.
וזה גרם לי לחשוב עלינו.
אתה זוכר שביום שנפרדנו בפעם הראשונה (אני כזאת נוראית, נכון?) דיברנו והכל היה קליל ורגוע כזה, ואז בשבוע שאחרי זה, כשמצאתי אותך אחרי הבחינות בע"פ, קצת... בכיתי? אמרתי שאני בוכה בגלל דברים טיפשיים ואתה אמרת שזה לא טיפשי (לפעמים זה מטריף אותי שאתה כמעט תמיד צודק - ראית איך זה השתנה מתמיד?). אבל למרות שקצת בכיתי, עדיין הייתי בסדר ועדיין חייכתי ועדיין... אתה יודע, הייתי אני. ומעבר לזה שזה שינוי מטורף ביחס ללפני שנה, פתאום חשבתי על איך זה יהיה לפגוש אותך עכשיו - אחרי כל מה שעברתי וכל מה שלמדתי בכנס. זה מצחיק, אבל אני די בטוחה שכמוך, מייקל אפילו לא מתחיל להבין כמה הוא השפייע עליי באינטרקציות שהיו לנו בכנס. ותהיתי קצת... איך זה יהיה.
כי נכון שחשבתי עלייך מדי פעם. נכון שאפילו קצת דיברתי איתך בראש שלי מדי פעם. הרבה דברים הזכירו לי אותך. ממש דאגתי לך בתקופה של המלחמה, ובשיקגו (בעיקר בכנס, אבל המבחר די מצומצם כי זה כנס ספציפי) חיפשתי משהו להביא לך (ממש רציתי להביא לך את היומן מפדקון, אבל הייתי די בטוחה שתהרוג אותי כי עדיין הייתי תלמידה והכל), וברור שחשבתי עלייך המון עם כל מה שקרה בכנס בפרט ובשיקגו בכלל... אבל האמת היא שאני מרגישה... בסדר. וזה מרגיש קצת מוזר, אבל טוב מוזר, לדעת שאני במקום טוב כל כך מבחינת עצמי.
אבל איזה שינויים מטורפים ב-365 הימים האחרונים, אה? מדהים.
שלא תעז לנסות להתחמק ממני, זה ברור? אני אדבר איתך. נקודה.
שמור על עצמך, ילד, בסדר?
אוהבת,
אן.
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Home Sweet Home?
Hardly.
אני לא יודעת למה, אבל זאת הפעם הראשונה שבה אני עצובה לחזור הביתה. תמיד כיף יותר להגיע לנתב"ג מישראל מאשר מחו"ל, כי מצפים דברים מדהימים, אבל זאת הפעם הראשונה שבה אני לא מתרגשת גם מהחזרה הביתה. אני לא בטוחה למה או מה בדיוק קרה, אבל יש לי תחושה שזה קשור לעובדה שבשלושת הימים של הכנס הרגשתי בבית יותר משאי פעם הרגשתי כל החיים שלי.
אז נכון, יש הרבה דברים מדהימים בבית (לדוגמא מים לא מגעילים), ונכון, עדיין יש הרבה דברים להתרגש לגביהם, אבל עכשיו, במיוחד עם המלחמה שמתחילה שוב... מה לא הייתי נותנת בשביל להיות בקנדה, או אפילו עוד קצת בארה"ב.
הטיסות הביתה היו זוועתיות, אבל לזה כבר אחזור בשלב מאוחר יותר.
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SGChi 2014 Day III + Convention Blues
I think yesterday may have been the second best day of my life.
We've had a lot of Michael yesterday. Me, specifically. I've had a lot of thinking, a bit of crying, a hell of a lot of laughing and surprisingly being myself entirely. It's amazing, really, but that's the first time in my life I felt so... accepted and calm within a large group of people. I mean, I can't even do family events because I hate the amount of people there, and it's nowhere near what we've had here.
Um, we've also had Teryl. Teryl... she's just the loveliest. She just is. She recognized us when we came to do the photo ops, and later during her panel she called people onstage and recognized their names and everything. She was so kind and just talked and made us all laugh. She really was the sweetest. She and Jason probably get The Sweetest title of this convention.
And then... we've had Michael. He did autographs for about 3.5 hours, meeting hundreds of people and signing hundreds of things. I was amazed to see just how awake he was, considering he flew in the day before. I actually had two autograph sessions with him, but I'm not going to say why. That... that's something only mom, myself, Michael and Mr. G will know.
But yeah, we walked up to him the first time and he was so nice. He asked how I was and I said great and asked how he was ("excellent") and how his flight was ("shorter than usual, because I was coming from Toronto"). He tweeted they had Saving Hope on the plane, so I said I saw he watched it (jokingly). He said he didn't watch it, because he already saw everything, but... Yeah. I asked him my question (related to the second autograph session) and he gave me a really deep, serious answer, and I was totally mind-blown. I had absolutely no idea how to feel about this. I was hoping it'd be a serious answer, but I didn't think it's be that serious and deep. Trying to understand what just happened, we took a walk outside and talked a bit about that... and then we got back and I decided I need another autograph, so we got it and then I ended up crying in a hidden place in the lobby. But it was good crying. <3 Um, we went out to McDonald's, which is about five meters from the hotel, and had proper lunch. Just as we were leaving, we ran into a friend I made in this convention, so mom got back to the hotel and I stayed with her. We had such a good time. It's amazing, but in those two days in which we knew each other I feel like I made a really good friend - and interestingly, so did she. The power of conventions, I guess.
After that we headed to Michael's panel. It was as hilarious as ever ("aren't you all giggly today"), and his comments and expressions were just the funniest things ever. It's not really surprising, considering that usually what happens with him, but... (the things we're all taking from the weekend- ascension, alien chicks and Megasnake!)
Anyway, I found the courage to ask him a question. While in line we were all cracking up, so it took me a few seconds to gather myself to ask my question, and in those seconds he was just looking at me... and it was perfect.
Me: "Hi."
Michael: "Hi."
Me: "Good to have you back here. Thank you for coming."
Michael: "Thank you."
Me: "My question is about Saving Hope."
Michael (turning to the audience): "How many of you watched my new show, Saving Hope?" *cheers* "How many of you are American?" *most of the people raise their hands* "How many of you are pissed because you can't watch the show here?" *another impressive hand-raising thing* "The show is coming back to the United States!" *insane cheers* "I can't tell you where - I know, but I can't tell you - but we'll probably make an announcement Monday or Tuesday. So you can all stop pirate downloading it. Don't think I don't know you'll still do it." *laughter*
I asked him about the ghost aspect of the show - I said it feels as though it was really present in the beginning and as time goes by it's slowly disappearing. I asked him what he thought about it and how it's going to look in the future. He went, "this is a complicated question. Not because I don't have an answer, because the answer is complicated." And I don't believe I said that, but I went, "Go for it", which got people behind me laughing.
He said that the writers sort of feel that the ghost aspect is so much more interesting than the love/hospital stories, and they're afraid that if they go that way, no one would want to watch those two kinds of stories anymore. He asked what it is that I'm looking for, and I said I want some exploration of those abilities, so he asked what kind of exploration, and I said that for example, why Charlie can actually see those ghosts. He said that he was having the same argument with the writers multiple times, because "if you could all of a sudden see ghosts, what would be the first thing you'd do? Ask how you can do it", but the writers were afraid it'd be too interesting and they'd lose the other stories in the process, so... But yeah, he was having the same arguments. He then said that he doesn't write the show, he just acts in it, and I went, "Maybe you should write it", and the audience was all cheering insanely. He did one of his faces and said that after his previous writing experience (he told us about it earlier in the panel)... no. But that's basically it. He also said they're only in episode 7 now, so he doesn't really know how it'll look in the future.
Wow.
After the panel we did the photo ops. He actually RECOGNIZED me when I walked to him, which was totally awesome. We had a photo and I went, "what amazes me is that you can still see" (they're doing them really close, with strong flash), and he grinned and went, "who said that?" and I started laughing.
Basically that was it. After the photo I was a bit disappointed I didn't get a hug, because I love his hugs, but then later that day in our room I was sort of remembering that the girls he usually hugged were either young ones or hardcore fangirls, and, well, quite frankly... I'm neither now. I was thinking maybe he was seeing an adult in me, and mom said it's quite possible, as both responses I got from him were deep and serious (which isn't that obvious with Michael...). So yeah, I dunno, I guess I'm just... amazed.
I woke up this morning and it was really empty around here. Everybody's leaving... We ran into Gary Jones again by Starbucks, but that's basically it. I sort of feel the convention blues beginning... Yeah, it's the first time I'm here after people are leaving, and it's just the saddest feeling ever.
On the other hand, this weekend has been literally the most amazing experience ever. I have never felt this accepted by people (not specific ones in a one-on-one interaction). I have never randomly started conversations with people, or talked to my biggest stars totally casually and calmly, and I have never done a lot of other things I did this weekend. The amount of people I met here... is mind-blowing.
On the other hand, I do feel a bit... disconnected. Everybody is sort of fangirling around me, and I just... don't quite feel it anymore. But I guess that's the reason I managed to talk to the actors I love like that, so... It made me question who I am a bit, but I think I'll let it sink a bit before I'll think about it. Like my Mr. G once said: sometimes you just need to feel and not think at all.
Proper con report (qs and as, talking to people, meeting people, interacting with actors etc) will come as soon as I get back home. Today we'll take the time to tour Chicago a bit more. Fun!
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SGChi 2014 Days I & II
A lot of fun is happening around here. But at the same time, I'm also highly disappointed by some of the things that's been going on around here this year. I don't know why, but that just doesn't feel like the ideal convention the way Creation's cons always felt. Chicago 2011 & 2012 were amazing, literally the best, and now all of a sudden... Maybe it's been too long since then and I was idealizing them a bit, but even my con reports say otherwise.
Um, so the past couple of days have been pretty fun. We've met a few actors, had a few photo ops, had a few autograph sessions and met an awful lot of people. The main bad thing was surprisingly on Creation's part - they are completely unorganized, the right hand doesn't know what the left hand does, they mix the schedule all the time and they are running later at 10am, when the convention's just started for that day. The only time I experienced something worse was in HalfWay Con, but that was the first con they ever did, so I can accept that.
Anywho... On Friday we met Gary Jones and Tony Amendola. It was great to see Tony again, even though the autographs were all rushed because of Creation's screw-ups. Still, I gave him the photo we took in Chicago 2012, and he was like, "when did we take this?". Um, Gary had his own autograph table, so we could actually talk a bit, and I spent 50$ there (yeah, I'm horrible, I know) on some awesome Walter stuff. He was really lovely and it was great to have him back here onstage. Really enjoyed both panels, which is totally not surprising. Had a photo with him, too (he wore Walter's uniform!).
Yesterday was a bit busier, although it was still nothing like the 2012 con. I had a photo with Paul and David (wearing the same vest! Hahaha), saw Cliff onstage (as brilliant as always!), participated in the Yes/No Trivia and did an amazingly stupid mistake, watched the Trio panel (which was fun but a bit too long), had my photo with the Trio and with Jason and Joe (two different photos, obviously) and saw David Nykl onstage, which was as fun as always, because he really is a great guy.
Other than that, we also had Jason Momoa's panel and photo op, Teryl's autographs and the general autograph session. Meeting Joe and Paul again was fun (although meeting Paul was disappointing), meeting David again was great (he's so fun!), meeting Cliff again was awesome (man, I love that guy), and then there was Jason. And that's a completely different story that requires an entire paragraph devoted to him.
So Jason. I gotta tell you, Ronon never really attracted me. He's totally not my type. And well, after everything we're heard from the cast about Jason's pranks and everything, I expected a completely different guy. But there he was onstage, being really sweet and slightly nervous, going, "I feel like this was a test, did I get the answer right?" and being totally cool. He hugged someone because somebody stole her question, he called a kid to stage because he was dressed like Ronon and it was totally sweet. He's really really amazing, absolutely NOTHING like Ronon/Conan/Drugu. I got my photo with him and a hug (<3) and then when he did the autographs he asked if I got it and how it turned out. I told him it turned out pretty good (he's looking great and I'm, well, not), and he asked to see it. I showed it to him, and he just took it out of the album and asked if he can sign it. And I was like, "be my guest!" and inside my mind thinking "omg omg omg omg" :D So yeah, I'm developing a slight crush for Jason.
The other thing we did yesterday was get Teryl's autograph. She is just so lovely. She, too, was autographing seperately, so we really had the chance to talk. We told her about where we're from, she said she always wanted to come here, we talked a bit about Chicago, making the journey here and Janet... Told her I still can't watch Heroes (7X17-18)... She loved Janet too. She's just really really lovely!
So yeah, those were definitely the highlights of yesterday.
Socially-wise (is that even a thing?) I got to meet a few new people and a few people I know from twitter. It was really really fun to get to know all these folks. I also got to chat with a few random people and just ride elevators with people and everything. It's definitely the most social convention I've ever had, and it's really great to do that. On the other hand, being an introvert, I need my own space sometime... and you just don't get that around here. I was totally tired yesterday, I think partly because of that.
And that's it. Today we have MICHAEL and Teryl, and generally that's it. Quiet day.
Hopefully it'll be as great as it's supposed to be.
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