.Something is stuck in your throat again
.You drink some water, desperately trying to make it go away, to swallow it
.But it doesnt go away, it never does
.Like a hand is grabbing you there, and slowly chokes you
.You feel the inside of your throat swelling. Your body's reaction to your thoughts and sensations
.Your air passage is slowly narrowing, and now you're even more afraid
You desperately try to convince yourself that you're alright, that its nothing, that its your mind playing a nasty trick on you, that your'e letting your subconsciousness get the best of you again.
And then a heat wave explodes from your chest, and spreads through your entire body.
You feel your heartbeat now, faster than before, alot faster, now you're trully afraid.
Nasty sensations...slowly creeping up in every limb you possess :
A little tingle in your left arm, to make you think its a heart attack.
Some pain in your neck, to make you think you're going to suffocate to death.
An emptyness in your head, that weird sensation you get when you drive down a steep mountain road, the change in atmosphere pressure around you.
You take a deep breath, to encourage yourself to fight it, to ignore it, to embrace it.
A rush of heat hits your head, and you start to feel extremely light headed.
Now you are completely numb.
You grind your teeth, not giving up, standing up to give yourself the illusion of dominance and power.
Only to fall due to the lack of air in your head.
You fell because of the low blood pressure your fear has instilled in you.
Because your brain simply couldn't support your muscles.
Now you are terrified.
Your chest hurts like someone pounded it with a metal bar, the only emotion you have now is sheer terror, and you are violently shaking.
You try to get up but you cant. Your blood pressure has disconnected your brain from your nerves.
Your fear has paralyzed you.
You gather all the remaining energy you possess and curl up into a fetal position, clenching your fists.
You are terrified.
You refuse to take a chill pill, because you don't trust it.
Cipralex and Oxazepam are not your friends, never will be.
Your breath gets heavier and heavier, you are terrified.
Your head is hurting now, really bad.
You try to move but you cant, you are terrified.
You feel cold, like a dead body, only dead bodies dont shake.
"This is not me", you weep.
Lying on the ground, paralyzed from fear, weeping.
"This is not me", you close your eyes.
And then darkness.
No, you are not asleep, just paralyzed in the same position, in the same state of mind, for an hour.
You "wake up", feeling better.
But the darkness never left, it just grew bigger.
You stand up quickly and start pacing towards the bathroom to wash your face.
You look in the mirror,
And then darkness, once again.
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Thor